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Transcription:The Death of He-Man
(Beast-Man is chopping at a tree in the forest.) Beast-Man: Boss, this is taking forever. Skeletor: Keep chopping, you drain clog! Once we harvest the energy of the oldest tree in Eternia, we can destroy Castle Greyskull once and for all! (Laughs) Evil-Lyn: You know, Skeletor, based on our track records, this probably won't work. Skeletor: Uh, life's a journey, not a destination. (He-Man appears out of nowhere.) He-Man: Not so fast, Skeletor! Trees are some of our most precious resources. Skeletor: Uhh...who you talking to? He-Man: Your face! (Punches Skeletor) He-Man: You know what they say: A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush! (kicks Evil-Lyn in the groin) (He-Man is slapping Skeletor.) He-Man: What? You gonna cry now? Cry like a big baby? Skeletor: Stop it! All right! Okay! All Right! Okay, stop it! You know what? Okay! I don't even have tear ducts, you jerk! He-Man: You know what you need? A good skull-fucking! Skeletor: (Shocked) What? (There is the sound of something being hit.) He-Man: Uggh! What the-- oomph! (He-Man falls over, dead. An axe is in his back.) Skeletor: Oh, crap! Oh, crap! Beast-Man, what did you do? Beast-Man: I don't know! I mean, I thought he would block it or something! I mean, he's He-Man! Evil-Lyn: This is the first murder in Eternian history! If the King finds out, it's the guillotine for us all! Skeletor: Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, we're up shit creek without a paddle, man! Chorus: HE-MAN... Skeletor: Okay, read that back to me. Beast-Man: (Reading) "Being He-Man sucked more than you think. Falling backwards onto an axe now, the way I always talked about doing. Love, He-Man." Skeletor: Ehh...foolproof! Evil-Lyn: Let's get the hell out of here! (Orko flies in and discovers He-Man's corpse.) Orko: Oh, no! I must tell King Randor and the Sorceress this terrible news! Chorus: HE-MAN... (Cut to Skeletor's fortress. The door is being barricaded.) Skeletor: Oh, we're so dead! Oh, we're so dead, we're so dead, we're so dead, we're so screwed! Evil-Lyn: I'm turning over a new leaf. From this point forward, I'm no longer Evil-Lyn. You may call me "Good-Lyn". Skeletor: Ehh. You know, I always thought your name was Evelyn. It's Weird. All this time, it's been "Evil-Lyn". Evil-Lyn: Pretty clever, right? Skeletor: Ehh. No. (The door is being pounded on.) Beast-Man: Aw, Game over, man! Game over! Trap Jaw: Why is that door locked? I've gotta take a dump! (Glances behind him.) Holy fucking shit! (Trapjaw is blasted through the front door, everyone shocked. Orko, all muscle-clad and carrying He-Man's Sword of Power, shows up.) Orko: I HAVE THE POWER!!! Skeletor: I have crapped my pants! Chorus: HE-MAN! Sorceress: Orko! Oh, thank goodness you found He-Man's Sword of Power! We can use it to bring him back to life! Orko: He-Man would be back, and I'd be regular Orko again? Sorceress: Absolutely. Uhh! (Orko impales her through the chest.) Orko: Yeah, but then that happened... (Orko goes off, whistling. The credits roll.) Category:Transcriptions